Roses are red, violets are blue. I hate webcams. Do you?

Ok, so apparently everyones meeting up, flirting and hooking up online.

Thousands of people are chatting in online bars, fluttering their laptops to their hearts content - hoping to meet that special someone.

But we are a shallow and fickle breed - initial attraction is more often than not - dependent on physical attraction. That's not to say we don't all find different things appealing, but it does have a role to play.


If you had the chance to redesign your body - for free - would you?

It's a long discussed fact that the internet gives us the chance to do this, to pretend to be someone we're not.
And this goes WAY beyond the usual dating-website blurring (cuddly for overweight, independent for lonely). In fact, the kind of exaggeration that can go on would require thousands of pounds on plastic surgery, hours in therapy and sometimes a rewriting of the genetic code of man.

But you know what? What the hell ... if someone needs to hide behind a different image or persona to break through that shallow barrier of "attraction" so someone will give them the time of day, so be it.

So far so good.

People tell white lies, get chatting, click with someone on a deeper level, and Bobs you're uncle.

So why, for the love of God, would anyone use a webcam?

I have survived for years without being able to see my friends glitchy blotchy faces mooning into my screen, thankyou. I know what they look like - I certainly don't need to watch them intently staring at their keyboard, reaching for a cuppa or answering the phone.

It's great for families who never see each other, I give you that, but my subject today is the forging of relationships (or possible relationships) online.

Wasn't it Robbie Coltrane who said,
"I want to pay my bills in my pyjamas"?

The world does NOT want to see me slouched on my sofa, with my laptop propped on my stomach, wearing a pair of tracky bottoms and a naf old t-shirt ... trust me. It's my "at home" uniform, not my "going out on the pull" uniform and I'll be damned if I'm going to put on a full face of make up, my best undies and sexy new top to log onto MSN.

Webcams are like turning the light back ON at the wrong time during a romantic tryst.

You've been getting on well with someone online, maybe a friend you haven't seen for years, or a new flirtation and then those immortal words crop up ... "XXXX has invited you to start viewing a webcam".
All that can happen now is bad. Even if they do turn out to be cute - remember, you are not just seeing them, but their home. Are you ready to see how they live? Their grotty y-fronts may very well be on a clothes airer behind them. Yes, that really is a huge stash of porn on the shelf, and that beautiful girl in the picture with him on the wall? ... And so the questions begin.

It may seem suspicious to say no - and I always feel I have to justify my actions with something like - "oh, my flats a mess", or "I've just got out of the shower", or even "it's not working for some reason" when actually what I wan't to say is "I'll hang onto my dignity a little longer if thats ok, at least .. until the first date is in the bag"